DoD to Upgrade Discharges from ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ Policy

My discharge took place during a time when I was considered ‘insane’ or a ‘criminal.’  The codes placed on my discharge made me feel mentally deficient and a criminal to the Navy. I didn’t feel part of the veteran community or appreciated for my service. It impacted my self-esteem for most of my life.

My discharge meant that I lost my retirement and education benefits.

I was discharged prior to DADT. It was an extremely difficult time, and to this day has been a marked influence in my life. While things have changed with the military since my time in service, many attitudes have not. The devastation of having your life’s career snatched from you in such a shameful and guilt-laden manner is difficult, and throws shadows in every other aspect of your life. While my career flourished as a result of my overcompensation, my personal life and relationships withered. The dichotomous feelings of love and hate for my military service remain bittersweet to this day.

My separation is due to me going AWOL after getting a DUI. The DUI stemmed from the excessive time I spent at local gay bars where I could openly be myself, something that wasn’t offered during my time in the military. I miss my military service, but I still hide my sexuality in the workforce to avoid prejudice.

I was discharged under DADT 1998. My DD214 is stamped in bold letters “Homosexual Admission” although there was no admission of guilt or evidence. This discharge may have been retaliation for testifying against a Lt Col at trial due to military sexual trauma (MST). This has made me feel ashamed about my military service and my personal life.

A DD214 is an extremely powerful and impactful document that follows a service member throughout life. It is hard to say how that impacted jobs/loans, etc. as it must be over during job interviews or loan/school applications. One of the biggest impacts is that my opportunity to retire was robbed from me.

All service members who were discharged under DADT should be granted full retirement and survivor benefits (When/if I pass on, all my veteran benefits stop, my wife receives zero benefits, and she does not receive full health coverage as all other retirees receive.) You can’t put a monetary value on the shame, stress, and embarrassment caused by DADT.

I was 17 when I was let go under Don’t Ask; Don’t Tell. I didn’t fully understand then how this would really limit me, but over the years I realized the loss of access to the community I’d been becoming a part of, the GI bill, and housing assistance—all gone. Even sadder, any calling I feel to re-enlist and serve today is mitigated because of the nature of my discharge and the statute of limitations prevents any possibility for an upgrade. I couldn’t serve then and still cannot serve today. Coming out while serving has been a double-edged sword. It’s both my proudest and most regretful experience.

I love West Point despite having some of the hardest experiences of my life there. It’s the greatest disappointment of my life that I did not graduate. I was there for 46 months and three weeks. The only thing I missed was graduation. It is something I think about every day. I have nightmares about it still after 25 years.

The base I was stationed at was a very hostile environment for LGBTQ soldiers. It was a witch-hunt environment for anyone suspected of being gay. I was just realizing I might be gay and had a difficult time with the process of self-acceptance. I ended up attempting suicide and was eventually hospitalized. I eventually came out to the doctor who I was working with. He told me he could help me and get me discharged if that was what I wanted. I was honorably discharged but was not informed there would be a note on my DD-214 that stated: “condition that interferes with military service – character and behavior disorder.” Had I known this, I never would have agreed.

This has been a source of shame ever since. I have avoided applying for government and civilian contractor jobs to avoid having to show my DD-214. Although this happened years ago, the negative effects of the notes on my DD-214 have continued.

On a warm March day in 1988, the Navy had just terminated my short career, discharging me because they found out I was gay. This intimate fact was one that I had only recently admitted to myself and my family. Two grim, military police swiftly escorted me off the base, as a rebranded civilian.

How did depression and suicidal ideas begin controlling my life? In 1986, I had dropped out of college to start a worthy career with the Navy. Just over a year later, early in 1988, I was home on leave back here in North Dakota. It was then, on a cold winter night, when I was sexually assaulted by a man, and landed in an ER. Despite my insistent misgivings, the doctor convinced me to file a police report. The Police Department promised that they would not report the case to the Navy, but they did.

When I returned to my ship in San Diego, the Chaplain called me to his office. He let me know that the Captain of the ship was contacted with the report. He also asked if I was a homosexual, a fact I was unable to deny. The Navy directly chose to conveniently discharge me, simply for being gay. First, they placed me in the psych ward for two weeks, to determine my condition, before I was escorted off the base, as a civilian.

As a good ol’ boy from North Dakota, I never considered the ordeal as something that needed to be treated professionally. I forced myself to move on and create a new life. I purposefully ignored the events and tucked the memories into the dark recesses of my mind. The years saw periods of great darkness, much self-medicating with alcohol, rounds of cutting, and several attempts to kill myself. The first attempt was in the Summer of 1988.

The discharge impacted my life barring my goal to enter a Law Enforcement career. Many offers for an LE career were squashed during the interview when my DD214 was presented with a violation of “Moral Turpitude.”

They put homosexual on my discharge papers when it was supposed to be an admin discharge – it haunts me to this day and I feel like I’ve missed out on many job opportunities when they ask for my dd214. I still find it hard to trust employers and hide who I am from them and my coworkers. I’ve been trying for years to get the change in my paperwork. I hope it happens soon so I can erase this trauma from my life. I want to get this all behind me.

I didn’t consider myself a veteran for almost 27 years, I cringed at the need to show my DD214 due to the reason for discharge stating “(DIS-INVOL) Homosexuality. I was ineligible for any VA services due to serving less than 2 years. I had to forfeit my GI Bill causing me to take out student loans to get a technical certification in 1994. I still owe $14k even though when I began the program the course was only $9,700.

I defaulted on the loan when I became homeless due to a job loss during a bout with addiction. This lasted approximately 4-7 years with no available resources (so I thought). I was no longer able to serve my country which was my main reason for becoming a Marine, and I really didn’t have another plan since I’d expected to serve at least 20 years. I was a good Marine for the short time I was able, but I couldn’t/wouldn’t use my service as a resume detail due to the reason for discharge plainly in view on my DD214. I just ignored the largest accomplishment of my young life, which was becoming a Marine.

I fell prey to military sexual trauma (MST) during my “wait” for discharge. I was ordered to visit a Naval psychiatrist to whom I disclosed my orientation. I was having issues coming to terms with my sexuality and other major life changes occurring during my boot camp experience. I lost my grandfather who raised me three weeks prior to graduating. Although I was granted leave for three days to attend the services, I hadn’t processed the grief of that loss and was handling it poorly. It hadn’t affected my ability to serve on duty as I didn’t imbibe prior to swearing in, but I began drinking after the end of the work day.

I’m waiting on an upgrade to my discharge, after trying for almost 3 years to get it done on my own.

It’s been 21 years since my discharge and I still feel the impact most days. From the uncertainty around people when they learn I served– asking myself how will they react to my discharge–to the lingering challenges that occurred thanks to losing my GI Bill requiring me to take on massive student loans, DADT remains a part of my life.

The first year of my service was decent. No one cared about my sexuality, though I hid it as best I could. But the fleet was another story. I was in a unit with a staff sergeant who was so homophobic he turned in his own brother (I learned this later). He turned everyone against me from day one. Some people might think he caused the most damage, but that isn’t the case. My lingering issues are from all of the guys around me who never once questioned him. Who never tried to have my back. Who left me to fend for myself. The loss of the brotherhood, which is supposed to be automatic when you become a Marine, is what caused the most harm.

One person did warn me that my command was gunning for me. I’m eternally grateful to him because it allowed me to proactively talk to MMAA. Their lawyers helped me draft a letter to come out to my CO with the goal of avoiding an investigation so no one else would be taken down with me. It was also an attempt to salvage my honorable discharge. It worked, but they processed me out so fast that I missed my 2-year mark, losing all of my benefits. It’s quite possible this was vindictive but I’ll never know for sure.

There is no greater duty, and no more vital mission, than the defense of the Constitution of the United States. Sometimes you must stand against an institution you love in order to make it true to itself. Both my service and my discharge had a profound effect on my life. Speaking out as an LGBT service member was a decision whether or not to act when a comrade is under fire. You do what you believe to be the right thing to do. My discharge for doing the right thing was a painful defeat, but I am proud of my decision to engage an unjust foe. To be honest, when my life comes to an end, I will be damn proud that I chose to serve my country, that I chose to speak out, and that I created change in both victory and sacrifice. Yes, damn proud.

I was forced out under don’t-ask-don’t-tell. Had I been allowed to fulfill my commitment I would be a wartime vet (Panama). It’s not right. I’ve missed out on a pension all these years.  

I was not out or in a relationship while serving in the Air Force. I kept a private life and maintained the professionalism expected of service members. So being involuntarily discharged without retirement after 20 years has continued to negatively affect me financially, emotionally, physically, mentally, socially, and more. I was denied retirement and benefits solely because of who I am as a person and not because of my conduct. My DD214 even stated the reason for discharge was homosexual admission. This probably affected my employment opportunities.

An inquiry began when an anonymous caller outed me to my commander. My CC gave the caller his cell phone number and told him to call back with more evidence. I didn’t know about the fabricated lies my CC documented so I couldn’t rebuff the claims. My CC never called me for a private conversation or to do a welfare check.

I learned about what my CC documented from the anonymous caller only after I was threatened by a Staff Judge Advocate officer to tell the truth or face prosecution for lying. The JAG bluntly asked, “Are you gay?” I wasn’t offered counsel, nor told I had the right to not answer. I felt confused and coerced into outing myself. I was forced to write a statement admitting that I am gay. I had a great career of mixed service over 2 decades and told the JAG that my being gay never affected my service. After fighting the discharge for months, I was informed in a memo that my honorable discharge was in jeopardy if I took my case to a board.

My last day in uniform was 23 August 2005. I believe the Air Force has the responsibility and capability of reinstating me to active duty and restoring a full retirement and benefits. The violations of the DADT policy and my civil rights are blatantly clear. How could an inquiry be initiated when DADT did not permit investigations based on non-credible sources, nor asking a service member about their sexual orientation?

The CC soliciting additional incriminating evidence against me seems like a witch hunt, which was also not authorized. There is so much more to this traumatic experience with the DADT policy than I can write here.

I was lucky and received an honorable discharge. Others were not so lucky. The only difference between me and them is that I wasn’t discovered/targeted/wrongly treated.

Having an honorable discharge has opened doors for buying a home, gaining employment, and obtaining other veteran services. This needs to be made right for those who were discharged “other than honorable.”

I am sharing a story I thought was important, somebody whose contribution is important to be remembered and unfortunately he’s not around any longer to tell it himself. He was a naval lieutenant who had completed a five-year stint in the Navy and was working as a manager at a propane company when he was unfortunately one of the first victims of the same killer who went on to murder Gianni Versace.

He grew up in DeKalb, Illinois, and graduated in 1991 from the U.S. Naval Academy in Annapolis and served in the Gulf War. A friend shared, “Jeff had it together. He had a good background, he had good standing in the navy. When we first met, he was a lieutenant stationed at the Naval Amphibious Base in Coronado.” He had courage too, Williams says. “Jeff did an interview with ABC’s 20/20 on gays in the military. He was under disguise. He had to be. He loved the Navy. He didn’t want to ruin his career. He also did a lot of work for the gay community here, like Project Lifeguard, which has to do with safe-sex programs. He had a lot to look forward to.”

He did lots of other LGBT community work after leaving the Navy. Later on, his identity came out as the person who did the 20/20 interview at a time when it could have cost him his job. I feel he was incredibly brave to do what he did, and I often think how sad it is that he was not around to see Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repealed, but also see how far we’ve come in society before his life was cruelly taken away.

I was promoted to Major (O-4) but due to being discharged, I never had the opportunity to pin on my new rank. It was taken away from me. My discharge was sudden and quick. I was “thrown” to corporate America where I bounced from one job to the next for over 10 years. It was very difficult for me.

In the first few years of service was hard being gay. I was fortunate to meet other gay service members so we supported each other. I saw the fiasco of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’ as a witch hunt. As I rose through the ranks I was still quiet about being gay but most of my shipmates knew. If asked I would be honest and say “Yes, I’m a gay Chief.” I was fortunate to be able to use all of my benefits as a veteran and a retiree.