Modern Military is featuring this guest essay as a series about the National Defense Authorization Act and how it would impact real military families. In the proposed legislation, a provision was added at the last minute that would prohibit medically necessary healthcare coverage for transgender adolescents of military service members and retirees. As we await news of whether the Senate will include this ban or not, please read this essay from a veteran and parent whose teenager depends upon this TRICARE coverage. 

By a concerned parent, veteran, and military spouse

Four years ago, my youngest child began suffering from severe depression. He stopped going to school, wouldn’t get out of bed, wouldn’t eat, or do any of the things he normally would. We sought out mental health treatment, and in that process, he discovered that a huge part of his depression was actually due to gender dysphoria. 

Thankfully, we were able to find several providers that helped stabilize his physical and mental health. We had to pay for most of this care out of pocket, because so many mental health providers do not accept insurance. 

We started with a provider on our military installation, but she told us she would not use his correct name and pronouns. We asked for a referral, and waited for over a year, calling each month to be sure we were still on the list, until we were finally able to receive care. We also were able to find a gender-affirming primary health care provider that accepts TRICARE. My son receives his routine care with that doctor, from colds to immunizations and everything in between. 

What is significant is how welcome and safe our son feels in an affirming environment.
. After two years of extensive care, including a pediatrician, primary health care provider, adolescent gender care psychiatrist, licensed clinical social workers, and his specialized psychologist and both individual and group therapy, we decided as a family — in partnership with this amazing, expert medical team — to begin hormone replacement therapy. 

We took none of these decisions lightly. As parents, we read every study, talked to other parents, deliberated with his care team, and made the decision we thought best for him to be physically safe and happy.


A year after he began some of the care now under threat, he is happier now than he has been in years. He still struggles with mental health and typical teenage stressors at times, but I no longer worry about leaving him alone or having to spend some nights sleeping on his bedroom floor. 

He recently starred in his school play, earned his driver’s license, and enrolled in a high school science program. I don’t believe that he would be here today without the support of his care team and medically-necessary gender affirming care, including hormone therapy.


My husband retired from the Army after almost 30 years of service. I am also a veteran, but I separated after about a decade  of service to provide stability to our family during the Global War on Terror. With the demands of being a military family, we have been a single-income family for 20 years — something that isn’t easy given that our area has a high cost of living. Our son continues care, which is largely covered by TRICARE, with the exception of his psychologist, whom we have to pay a hefty sum for out of pocket.


Losing this healthcare coverage through TRICARE for our child will cripple us financially, because not getting the care isn’t an option since it is quite literally life saving for him. We are so scared, and so angry, that after decades of service to our country, our child’s life is potentially at risk as his care is politicized. 


If I can leave you with one thought, it is that we all want the best for our children. Gender-affirming care is deliberate and extensive, and no steps are taken without medical support and much discussion with medical experts. We spent three years taking painstaking steps to ensure that our child is happy and healthy, and has the chance to become a happy and healthy adult. 

Please don’t deny gender-affirming care for our children. Allow our military families to love and care for our transgender children the same as any parent would. Their lives truly depend on it.

Photo credit: Alexander Grey